


Not Nearly Enough / Nomin

by jayjayjeno



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Lee Jeno is Whipped, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:41:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayjayjeno/pseuds/jayjayjeno
Summary: “You’re a tower of strength when you’re breaking down. But through the wall I can feel your cry.”Jeno watches as Jaemin hurts himself over and over again. TW/ mentions of an abusive relationship.Lyrics from Fly Before You Fall by Cynthia Erivo.
Relationships: Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Not Nearly Enough / Nomin

“I break as I hear you, loud as a bomb. Wanting a shoulder to cry on.”

Jaemin was deep in love. He jumped out of bed after receiving a routine good morning text. He giggled as he got dressed in an outfit he knew the other would love to see him in. He hummed and swayed his hips to a beat inside his head as he made breakfast for him and his roommate. He spilled all of his excitement to the other who just rolled his eyes at the “whipped” boy. Jaemin smiled when he thought of wrapping his arms around his special someone. He constantly got lost in thoughts of bliss and joy throughout his day at his boring job. His boss had to constantly tell him to “stop daydreaming”. He refused to admit it was a problem. When he met his boyfriend’s eyes, it never seemed like one.

He couldn’t wait to get home and freshen up for the date his love had planned. He was picked up at seven on the dot and gladly got inside the cute car his boyfriend had. He spent the afternoon in the presence of the one who adored him so dearly. They laughed, they kissed, they shared, they loved. They never fought. They were the perfect match. Perfect in every sense of the word. Jaemin would get dropped off at around twelve, giddy and not ready to sleep. Sometimes, Jaemin would come home the next morning with a light blush painted on his cheeks. He would hug his chest and breath in the scent of the hoodie he stole that smelled so much like him. So much like the man he loved dearly.

Jeno was Jaemin’s other half. “His soulmate”, others would jokingly say. They were the pieces of a puzzle that almost seemed to fit too well together. He was the person that knew Jaemin’s deepest secrets. The person that could tell what Jaemin was thinking without a single word being shared. He was the one that curled up to Jaemin on the couch when they watched horror movies. He was the one that would bake sugar cookies with Jaemin for their friends during Christmas. And, he was the one that watched with a smile as Jaemin fell deeply in love with a man whose hoodies smelled “like home”.

Jeno was the roommate. The certified best friend. The person that ate with Jaemin only in the morning, that listened to Jaemin’s stories of the beautiful night before and joked about him being “whipped”. The person that waited every night like clockwork for Jaemin to come home safely. He was the person Jaemin was surely going to leave alone as soon as he and his “smells like home” boyfriend got more serious. The person who felt like he had to glue himself to Jaemin or the younger might slip away. That person was Jeno. 

The two had met in college when they were freshman. They had classes together and a mutual friend. Jaemin was still living with his parents and Jeno needed a roommate. So, like the generous person he was, Jeno agreed to letting Jaemin move in for a semester. That semester turned into two which turned into eight until they decided they didn’t want to live with anyone else after college. The two were inseparable. They were stuck at the hip. They grew to know each other so well that they practically were each other. Jeno could read Jaemin like a book and Jaemin the same. Jeno knew when Jaemin was mad. He knew when Jaemin was happy. He knew when Jaemin was sad.

Of course, he was just merely one of the many characters in the ensemble. Just a side character in the emotional and beautiful love story being told around him. Of course this was true but, to Jeno, their connection had always felt far stronger than that of the supporting role and the lead. Jeno knew Jaemin better than anyone could know Jaemin.

Which is why he knew when things started to change with Jaemin and his boyfriend. He first noticed how the younger’s singing slowly got quieter when he made breakfast. Then, how the younger’s cheeks slowly lost the usual blush when he talked about their nights. He noticed how the younger’s smile slowly faded when he got dressed to leave. Eventually, he noticed how the younger almost stopped smiling at all.

Jeno saw how Jaemin lost his normal light and how a thick, gray fog of sorrow seemed to surround him as he walked. The transition from blush to pale was a slow one, but of course Jeno noticed. He noticed that he rarely came home at night anymore and, when he showed up the next morning, he went straight to his room with the stench of alcohol covering his body. When Jeno knocked on his door to see if he was okay, he never answered. In the mornings, he didn’t make breakfast anymore and started getting up with just thirty minutes before work. On the days he didn’t have work, he left without saying goodbye and came home late without saying hello. 

Sometimes, Jeno would be watching some movie on the TV when Jaemin would come home, way too late. Usually this meant listening as he grabbed a snack or drink and locked himself in his room, ignoring Jeno’s hellos. But, sometimes, the younger would drop his stuff on the floor and make his way to the couch. He wouldn’t talk but Jeno would move his arms up and Jaemin would lay his head on the other’s lap. Sometimes, he would watch the show Jeno was watching in silence Sometimes, he would fall asleep and let out small snores that would make Jeno giggle. Most times, he would put his head in his hands and just cry. Jeno would rub his back or run his hands through his hair, whispering soft things to try and make the other feel better. He knew the younger was done crying when he heard sniffles from his lap. After he was finished releasing whatever shitty energy he was absorbing outside, he would continue with his usual of either focusing on the TV or slowly fall asleep in the olders lap.

On some days, when Jaemin would come home at night before Jeno gave up on him returning, he would slam his door and scream, punching his walls and ignoring his roommate who was worried about him. That's all he was recently. He was worried sick. Jeno hadn’t had a proper conversation with his best friend in weeks. He hadn’t had a meal with his best friend in weeks. He hadn’t seen his favorite person smile in weeks. No longer was Jaemin giddy and excited to wake up. No longer was he loud and full of life. He lost the happiness and he lost the love that usually filled his eyes. Jeno knew that something was terribly wrong. He didn’t know how much longer he could let Jaemin ignore him and pretend everything was fine. His best friend, his soulmate, was dying slowly in front of him and he was doing nothing to stop it.

That was until one night he decided he couldn’t pretend any longer. He didn’t want anymore soft whispers while he waited for his best friend to stop crying on his lap. He was tired of watching as the younger refused to talk to him besides the occasional “goodnight”. So, he waited for Jaemin as he usually did and Jaemin came home far too late like he usually did. The younger took his jacket off and threw his keys in the jar by the stove. Jeno assumed he no longer was driven home by his boyfriend. Jaemin grabbed a blanket off of the couch and curled up on Jeno’s lap. He sniffled and gripped the blanket as Jeno massaged his scalp, not saying a word. He never said a word. He hated himself for never knowing what to say until it was too late. He needed to say something. He needed to end this. 

“Jaemin...”

He figured that saying his name was a good place to start. He saw Jaemin’s shoulders tighten.

“Jaemin, talk to me.”

Jeno felt tears leave his eyes as he focused on Jaemin’s fragile features slowly cracking. He cursed at himself for crying. He just missed the younger so much. Jaemin moved so that his back was touching the couch and his eyes were staring into Jeno’s watery ones. He reached over and took one of Jeno’s hands into his. 

“I’m not enough for him. I’m not enough for you. I will never be enough..”

His voice caught Jeno off guard. It wasn’t his normal voice. It was broken. It was raspy. Jeno wondered if Jaemin had started smoking or if he just screamed that much. He sounded sick. Jenos stomach flipped and his soft expression turned quickly into a frown at what Jaemin was saying to him. He couldn’t believe that the one who filled his life with so much joy was telling him that he wasn’t “enough”.

“Of course you’re enough. You are more than enough.”

Jaemin’s face shifted at that but it wasn’t nearly anything resembling a look of happiness. Tears fell down his cheeks and Jeno rubbed them off with his thumb. Jaemin brought his own hand to meet Jeno’s and rested them on his cheek. “I’m tired, Jeno. I just want to not hurt anymore.” Jeno’s heart broke into ten thousand pieces as those words came out of Jaemin’s mouth. It was evident that whatever he was submitting himself to outside these walls, it was tearing him apart.

Jeno brought Jaemin’s head up to his own and placed a soft kiss on his temple before placing the younger gently back onto his lap. “If you’re tired, go to sleep. Nothing can hurt you right now, I promise.” Jeno stroked Jaemin’s hair and soothed him with words for awhile. The younger turned to face Jeno’s stomach and wrapped his arms around his roommate’s waist. He hugged him tightly, whispering soft thank yous that sent shivers down Jeno’s spine, before falling asleep. Jeno wanted to say “I love you” but the words never came. 

After several minutes of running his fingers through Jaemin’s hair, Jeno picked the younger up into his arms and took him to his room. He laid him in bed and carefully put the blanket around his body. Jeno ran his fingers through Jaemin’s hair a few times, smiling at how the younger was leaning into his hand. Finally, he started feeling a sick pool of anger fill his insides. He wanted to get in bed with Jaemin and never let him go. He wanted to never let him be hurt. He wanted to so much but he had to swallow the clumps in his throat and leave the boy. 

“Mm.. stop. please.... hnn don’t... pleasmm.” Jeno heard sounds fill the sleeping mouth of the beautiful creature he was walking from. It sounded like he was having a bad dream. When Jeno turned back around, his worry was confirmed. Jaemin’s face was contorted into a look of pure displeasure and there were tears streaming down his cheeks. Jeno sighed and moved back towards the younger. “I guess the selfish pity party will have to wait.” Jeno thought as he sat down in Jaemin’s warm bed that he wanted so badly to cuddle into. He gently rubbed Jaemin’s arm and whispered that he was ok. It was only a dream. He almost felt guilty. As if the outside world is any better than what was playing in his head.

“Mmm... Jeno? Jeno. Jeno staymmm dhhmn go.” Jaemin reached out for someone to hold on to and Jeno felt his heart swell. He couldn’t stay. “Please, don’t make me stay. I don’t want to stay when you’ll just leave tomorrow.” His brain screamed but, he knew he couldn’t say no to anything Jaemin said. Especially not when he promised he would protect him that very night. 

Of course, all of his doubt immediately faded away once he saw Jaemin’s face up so close to his with a small smile painted on it. It was the first form of a smile Jeno had seen from his best friend in so long that he almost started crying again. Lee Jeno fell asleep that night with his roommates arms wrapped around his body, their legs scrambled around each other and Jaemin’s head lodged in his neck. He slept with a feeling of peace and happiness that the boy had finally talked to him. He also slept with strong feelings of sadness and nervousness of what Jaemin was doing to himself. But, most of all he slept angry. So pissed that anyone could make Jaemin, happy-go-lucky Jaemin, cry like this. Pissed that this person had the audacity to make Jaemin, sweet and kind Jaemin, feel he wasn’t good enough. And finally, pissed that Jaemin chose to spend his time with the person who did this and not with him. Not with the one who was holding him as he slept. Not with the one who loved him more than he could love anything. Not with Jeno.

. . . . .

When Jeno woke up, Jaemin was no longer there. He was in Jaemin’s bed alone. Being in Jaemin’s bed made Jeno feel whole inside. He could stay here forever. But, of course he couldn’t. 

Jeno got up and made his way down stairs, noticing that no breakfast was being made. In fact, no sign of another human was evident in the apartment at all. He sighed, realizing that the younger had probably left for work. He had a slight feeling of hope at the pit of his stomach. Hope that maybe, just maybe, Jaemin will stop being with that man who is obviously putting him through pain. That he would stop coming home way too late or far too early. A small hope that Jaemin would come back to him. Come back to Jeno who would never hurt him. 

But, life proved that hope only ended in heartbreak once again when Jaemin didn’t come home that night. Jeno thought he must be crazy for thinking the younger would actually want to be with him. Why would he give up all the good that the other man was giving him? Maybe he was just incredible in bed. Maybe Jaemin just didn’t like Jeno. Yeah, maybe that’s it. When the clock hit 12am, Jeno started to get worried. He thought about texting him but he didn’t want to seem overbearing. He was probably just cuddling in his boyfriends bed. Or maybe he was praying Jeno would call to have an excuse to go home. Jeno picked up his phone and pressed the familiar contact. He had to make sure the younger didn’t get kidnapped, that’s all. The phone rang twice before Jaemin answered.

“Jeno.”

“Everything ok? You didn’t come home.”

“I’m always out this late.”

“I know... but after what... after what happened yesterday... I was just worried.”

“I was drunk yesterday. You know how I get when I drink.”

“What about all the other fucking days?” Jeno tried not to but he couldn’t help but get angry. Why was Jaemin throwing everything away for a life that continually stepped on him like dried gum on the sidewalk? Why was Jaemin acting like everything was okay? Why couldn’t Jeno fucking help his best friend get better?

“What?” The younger’s voice softened and Jeno immediately regretted snapping at him.

“Jaemin… All the other days were we don’t talk. You cry almost everyday on that couch.” Jeno nearly whispered the last words, afraid of pushing.

“Jeno, I don’t want to talk about this. I have to go.” Jaemin snapped this time. Jeno kept his firm tone even though he felt like shriveling into a ball at Jaemin’s tone.

“Jaemin.”

“Goodnight, Jeno.”

“...Please, I miss you.” He whispered. It was embarrassing and selfish but he was breaking down. 

“I...I’m sorry. I’ll be home for breakfast.”

“But....”

“I’m sorry, Jeno. Good- Who is that? Hang the fuck up and talk to them later. Baby, let’s go- Goodnight Jen.”

Jaemin hung up the call before Jeno could say it back. He didn’t realize he was crying until he tasted salt slowly line his lips. After that, Jeno cried without realizing almost everyday. Jaemin didn’t come home for breakfast that morning. Jeno called his phone ten times and he never picked up. He came home that night at 3 am without a word or glance shot Jeno’s way. He woke up early that morning and left the same way. Jeno knew he was there but he wasn’t there. Jaemin was at the house for around four hours every night. He left in the morning and he came back in the morning.

After months of this never ending routine, Jeno lost all hope that Jaemin would come back to him. He tried so hard to hold on but every time his roommate walked straight passed him, ignoring his pleads, it washed away more and more. He wanted to be angry at Jaemin. Angry that he was ignoring him like he didn’t even exist. Angry that he was watching Jeno cry and not stopping for a minute to easy his mind. Angry that he chose the person he cried so much over when Jeno was so ready to be there for him. He tried so hard to hate Jaemin. He had so many reasons to just leave. Move out of the apartment. Move back in with his parents for a while, I’m sure they missed him. He tried to. He packed a bag and everything. He tried to leave Jaemin behind but he couldn’t. 

Jeno couldn’t leave Jaemin even if he showed up one day saying he’d killed someone. He couldn’t leave if Jaemin asked him to, even if he demanded him to go. He hated himself but he could not live without Jaemin. He survived solely on knowing the younger was alive and in bed every night. He wanted so much more but he needed only Jaemin’s presence in his house to never leave. Perhaps it was toxic. Perhaps it was unhealthy. Jeno didn’t care. Jeno would never leave his best friend behind. He would die if he did.

But, living is so much more than simply surviving. Jeno wasn’t living like this. He was angry so often that even his work friends started to distance themselves. He cried so much that he was often asked to go home by his boss. He stopped eating correctly and could barely sleep at night, waiting hours into the morning for Jaemin to return. He felt empty. He barely ever saw Jaemin’s face anymore. His insides felt the way Jaemin looked over two months ago when they talked, really talked, for the last time. It was devoid of emotion and sucked clean of life. It was Jaemin. 

Jeno just wished Jaemin could tell him what was happening. Let him help to fix it. Jeno just wanted to hear Jaemin’s voice again.  
. . .

It all happened so fast. Jeno was doing his usual routine of coming home from work and waiting for Jaemin to get home. The day was imperfectly normal. He was watching a show on Netflix when Jaemin entered their shared apartment. Today, it was an episode of Friends. This was normal. Jaemin would just walk past him and go straight to his room- “Jeno.” The younger mumbled into the air. That was not normal. He only then realized that the younger had stopped by the edge of the couch. His hands were gripped to the arm of the sofa and he was looking at Jeno with an unreadable expression. That’s when what was in front of him fully registered.

A big, dark bruise was painted onto his skin. It was just below his eye, on the top of his cheek. At further examination, there was also a gash in his lower lip and left eyebrow. He looked as though he had been crying. His eyes were red and puffy and his hands were shaking. His grip was so tight that his knuckles were white. Jeno shot up off the couch as soon as his brain registered the information. “What the fuck happened?” He reeked of marijuana but Jeno didn’t have time to get mad at him for smoking. “Jaemin.” The younger looked so out of it that Jeno didn’t know if he had realized that words had come out of his mouth. Jeno pulled him to the couch like he was made of thin glass. “Hey.” He pushed the hair from his sweaty face and wrapped his arms around his waist. He laid his head in the crook of his neck. He knew Jaemin was crying from the way his shoulders were shaking. Jeno carried him to bed and didn’t even bother to entertain the idea of leaving for the night. He stroked Jaemin’s hair and kissed his forehead. The younger shook from crying. Jeno whispered sweet things in his ear until he calmed down and fell asleep. “You’re okay. I’m here now. I love you.”

Jeno couldn’t sleep. He stayed awake, observing Jaemin’s bruised face and (newly discovered) severely bruised arms. He was beginning to get so angry that it scared him. He didn’t even know if that man had done this to him. It could’ve been anyone. But, it was probably him. Jeno thought that if it was him, he was going to kill him with just his hands. He was going to strangle him until he couldn’t breath ever again. He was going to make sure he would never do this to precious Jaemin again. “Please.....mmm.” His violent thoughts were interrupted with the sound of Jaemin whining in his sleep. “Please don’t... I don’t want... stop... please stop... stop!” Jaemin’s eyes shot open. “Jeno? Jeno, help me.” He buried his head into the older’s chest and let out a soul crushing sob. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Please stay. Don’t ever go. Please don’t, I’m so sorry.” Jaemin shook so hard in Jeno’s arms that he was afraid he might be having a seizure. 

“Shh.. stop apologizing. Go to sleep baby. I’m not going anywhere. I would never leave you, Jaemin. Never.”

“I know...

Jeno?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for staying. Not just now but all this time. I’ve been the worst to live with.”

“I know you’ve been going through a lot. No matter what happens, I’m always here for you.”

Jeno smiled and rubbed Jaemin’s head. He didn’t realize that Jeno couldn’t leave no matter how badly he wanted to. Even when Jaemin forgets this conversation and relapses into his routine tomorrow, Jeno will stay. He will always stay.

So, when Jeno wakes up that morning, he isn’t surprised at all when Jaemin is no longer beside him. Jeno hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep. This is exactly what he didn’t want to happen. He wanted to stay up to catch Jaemin when he woke up. To sit him down and get him to talk. To tell him that he can not go back if the man he “loves” is doing this to him. It was abuse and Jeno wanted that man dead. “Calm down, it could’ve been anyone.” Jeno whispered to himself and got out of Jaemin’s bed. He went to the bathroom to wash up. When he stepped into the hall, though, the smell of something really good threw him off. It smelled like, pancakes? It smelled like the mornings before this started. It smelled like home.

Jeno went into the kitchen and nearly passed out when he saw Jaemin making breakfast. Why was he here? It was saturday so no work, yes, but what about the normal? What about the months of avoiding? What about the pain? What about the man with the hoodies? “Jaemin?” The younger jumped a bit at the sudden appearance of his roommate. He turned around and smiled lightly. “I’m making pancakes and bacon. No eggs. We’re out so get on that mister because tomorrow I want eggs.” Jaemin spoke like all was okay. He spoke like this wasn’t the first time he had spoken to Jeno soberly in almost half a year. He spoke like his face wasn’t bruised and cut. Jeno chose his next words carefully. “Jaemin, we should talk.” The younger’s face scrunched. “Just promise to not forget my damn eggs and I’ll talk all you want.” Jeno almost laughed. Was this a twisted dream? Jeno prayed it wasn’t.

“You don’t normally make me breakfast anymore.” Jaemin scoffed and turned back to his cooking. “Don’t be stupid or you won’t get any pancakes.” Jeno felt weird but he sat at the table anyways. His brain was screaming at him to “shut the fuck up and enjoy it” but, he was confused. He was angry and he was, more than anything, terrified. “Jaemin... did he do that to you?” The younger froze for a second before continuing what he was doing. He put his creations on two plates and went to the fridge for drinks. “Jaemin. I asked a question. You need to tell me.” 

“Do you want juice or water?” 

“Did you hear what I sai-“

“Juice it is.” Jaemin wasn’t listening to him. It made Jeno angry but he hid it in the back of his brain. This was hard for Jaemin too. He couldn’t forget that the younger was the one being hurt. He needed to be patient. Jaemin brought his plate and juice to the table. He went back to the fridge and brought out fruit that Jeno didn’t know they had. “Are we also having a mariachi band perform for us?” Jaemin rolled his eyes. 

“Smart ass. I am trying to make up for being the worlds shitiest person so shut up and enjoy my food.”

Jeno laughed a little and Jaemin sat down. He took some strawberries from the tray he had somehow produced. The kitchen light lit up Jaemin’s face as he started eating. There was a very visible bruise around his eye and cut on his lip. Jeno ate his breakfast. It was the best thing he thinks he’s ever tasted. “Good?” Jaemin giggled as Jeno inhaled his plate. “Fuck yes.” They laughed together. Don’t get hopeful. This won’t last. He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind. He was just going to enjoy the company of his favorite person for a while. He could worry about the future later.

After breakfast was eaten and the kitchen was cleaned, Jaemin suggested they watch a movie. He laid his head on Jeno’s lap and picked a random horror movie. It felt so familiar yet so foreign. No one was crying. It wasn’t four in the morning. Yet, the tension surrounding them felt the same as it always had. Jeno ran his fingers through the younger’s hair. Maybe he was being selfish but he was gonna savor every moment while it was weirdly good.

The movie was half way through when Jaemin paused it, the screen freezing on some woman screaming. “Jeno, I love you.” He whispered into the air. He sat up and faced the older. Jeno reached up to touch his bruise. “I know you do, Nana. I love you too.” Jaemin leaned his cheek into Jeno’s hand. No one was talking but the room was anything but silent. Invisible questions were being shot into Jaemin’s chest and Jeno saw as the younger tried to find the courage to speak. “You don’t have to tell me, Jae. I won’t make you.” Jaemin’s eyes watered as he looked up.

“Just know, he never used to hit me Jeno. I would’ve left earlier if he had. It was just a lot of yelling and.. and I don’t know, I blamed myself I guess. It began to just feel like all he wanted was sex when I came over. All it was from the beginning was just sex for him I guess. I’m easy-“

“You are not.”

“Ok I was easy for him because he knew I liked him. Hell, I think I loved him. I would come home so disgusted with myself but I came back everyday because I needed to feel important. I know that I left you out and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help how good it felt to be loved in that way. I was selfish. I don’t know. When he started to get physical I got so scared. He would cry and apologize and guilt me into believing it was my fault. What he did to me. I deserved it because I was always talking back and starting shit. That’s what he said and I believed him. Until... last week, his friends were over and... we had an... um... argument and he... he... let them...” Jeno rubbed the tears off with his thumb. He wanted to scream and cry and be mad at Jaemin for not telling him but more at himself for not knowing. He kept it inside and waited for Jaemin to continue.

“He let them touch me. He let them... laugh at me and hit me and... I had to get out of there. So, I ran and ran and ran and passed out on a park bench. I woke up a couple hours later and I was so embarrassed. I was covered in bruises and scrapes that I couldn’t come home because I knew you would see and be so angry and sad and I couldn’t handle that. So, I went out and drank and smoked a little. It felt good. It felt like I wasn’t hurting. Some people asked me about my bruises but I just told them I got into a fight over drugs. It seemed to keep them from pressing.”

Jeno couldn’t stop staring at the bruise on his cheek. That happened a week ago? It was way too dark.

“I went back. Yesterday. We talked and he hit me for embarrassing him in front of his friends. I punched him in the jaw and he knocked me out. I woke up on his couch and left and ended up in your arms crying. It’s the safest I’ve felt in a while. I’m sorry for leaving you for so long. I’m so sorry.” 

Jaemin was crying. It made Jeno’s heart shatter. He wrapped his arms around the younger and kissed his shoulder. “Jaemin, if I had known that he was doing that to you I would have.. I would.. Jaemin, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I understand why you did what you did but you should have told me. I am supposed to be there for you always. Promise me you won’t go back. You don’t ever need to go back. You do not deserve to be treated like shit. You deserve to be loved. I’m going to make sure you realise how much love you deserve. And I swear to fucking God, if that fucker even looks at you again, I will literally gut him in front of his sick friends.” Jaemin lightly chuckled and squeezed tighter on Jeno’s shirt. “I promise, Jeno. Now, can we watch a hallmark movie?” Jeno let out a small laugh and picked up the remote. “Is that even a question?” He found the hallmark channel and picked a random show. “Jeno...?” He looked at Jaemin and saw the younger was pouting. “What’s wrong, beautiful?” Jaemin cracked a smile. “Cuddle me.” He reached out with grabby hands and Jeno did exactly that. 

. . .

Weeks passed and Jaemin hadn’t went back to his ex’s house. He had come home right after work everyday and spent his time talking with Jeno and laughing. He felt happy for the first time in a long time. He felt safe. His bruises slowly faded as well as the pain in his chest. It’s something Jeno had given up on months ago, going back to normal. Getting Jaemin back and happy. He felt like he was in a nice dream. He felt like things were too good to be true but, for once, he was wrong. This was what was supposed to be.

They were cuddled on the couch watching an indie horror film when Jeno felt eyes on his face. He turned to look at Jaemin who was just centimeters away. The younger was breathing heavier than usual and was biting his lip. “Nana... you okay?” Jaemin’s eyes trailed to Jeno’s lips and the older tried to ignore it. He wasn’t going to be selfish but he really wanted to kiss the younger’s lips. It was harder to ignore when Jaemin reached up to touch Jeno’s chin. “Jen... can I... just...” and then their lips were touching. Warmth shot through Jeno’s body and he almost pulled away. Jaemin’s lips were so soft and Jeno melted into them. It was scary how much the younger affected him. He didn’t even notice that Jaemin was just staring at him until he spoke. “Jeno, why haven’t we done that before?” The words shocked Jeno. He asked himself that question everyday. Why can’t you just be happy with me? Why do you pick him over me?

“Jeno, kiss me again.” The words left Jaemin’s mouth and almost failed to register in Jeno’s brain. Once they did, their lips were connected again, this time a little more heated than the last. Jaemin gripped at Jeno’s shirt and Jeno thought he was going to explode. When he felt Jaemin’s tongue against his lips, he gasped and the younger groaned into his mouth. Their hands clawed at each other and their bodies lit on fire. Every inch of Jeno’s brain was screaming. Jaemin was his world and now Jaemin was his to protect and love everyday.

They took deep breaths as they parted. Jaemin had stains off tears on his cheeks. Jeno frowned and rubbed his thumb against Jaemin’s cheek. “Don’t cry.” Jeno saw light in Jaemin’s glossy eyes. They were sparkling and sucking in Jeno’s soul. Jeno wanted to let them. Fall into Jaemin and never come back. That’s all he’s ever wanted. “I love you, Jeno.” Jaemin gripped Jeno’s shirt and cried into his shoulder. Jeno rubbed his back and kissed his neck. “I love you, Jaemin. I always have.”

“Can we stay like this forever?”

“For as long as you like.”

“Don’t let go of me.”

“I would never.”

End.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. This is my first pic on Ao3 so I do hope you like it and share it! Sorry the ending is kind of rushed lmao maybe its just the fact that I've read this so much it sucks...


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